I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
