so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
