the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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