Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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