i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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