It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
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doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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