i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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