I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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