so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
