guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
