I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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