That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize