I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize