one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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