You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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