We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
