I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
