Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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