omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
