I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
