i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
