.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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