In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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