i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
