I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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