A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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