It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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