That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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