do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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