Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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