halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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