Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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