She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
