hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
