This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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