Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
