I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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