I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if only i could text you this smell
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
