I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
