I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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