I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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