worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
