i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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