i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
