She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
