tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize