I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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