i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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