matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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