I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
