My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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