I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
