that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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