he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
