she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
