you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
