no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
