I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
