We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
