careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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