I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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