Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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