This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
